Only someone very cocky would say they don’t want to be better in bed. But if the very words “be better in bed” conjure images of contortionist like bends while playing exotic music, or weekend long sessions of tantra from which you emerge emaciated but smiling, think again.
A healthy, positive and regular sex life is important to a healthy relationship and can help nurture a deeper level of intimacy, which spills over into every aspect of your relationship.
Improving your sexual performance to be better in bed isn’t about wowing your partner and swinging from the chandeliers whilst wearing see-through leopard underwear, it’s far simpler than that.
You can be better in bed by allowing yourself to feel more and experience more pleasure. Who doesn’t want more pleasure?
Talk it out
The root of all good relationships, in and out of the bedroom, is communication (pun completely intended.)
It’s totally normal to feel a little shy taking about your sexual desires because it makes you feel vulnerable. A major part of intimacy is being vulnerable to your partner. To enable you to create a stronger sexual bond you need to be able to spill the beans about how you feel, what you desire in bed, what you wish your sex life was like, and how you would like to achieve it.
Communicating during the wild thing is also important. Our likes and desires change from romp to romp so gently guiding your partner means they’re not fumbling around in the dark (literally) and you get what you need. You can help your partner be better in bed simply by guiding them.
You may even discover that you taking the reins and being empowered about your pleasure is a turn on for you both.
Know your hot zones
If you don’t know what get your rockets flying then how is someone else going to work it out?
Understanding the subtleties of your body is important for two reasons… one because it’s your body, and two, because it’s really fun.
I’ve long been a massive advocate of self-pleasure because it feels good and it’s free, but it’s also an awesome stress reliever.
It’s also an indispensable way to help you get in touch with your unique pleasure zones, and specifically, what turns you on. It’s your body, just like you can pick your nose if you want, you can touch your secret places any way you please and take them out for a test drive.
Maybe even try letting your partner watch if you really want to curl their toes.
Setting the scene
Cutting your toenails while watching The Walking Dead is not usually considered as romance, so if you’re thinking tonight would be a good night to get some intimacy and sexy times in your relationship then why not try getting yourselves primed with some romance.
Take a bath, together or solo. Light some candles and as you wash be really present with your body. Maybe put on some gentle music and offer a massage to your lover.
DOING sexy things helps you feel sexy.
We all have insecurities, especially after babies. Our tummies don’t look the same, our boobs are heading south, maybe we even wonder if our vagina is different after it stretched wide enough to accommodate a steam train, but I have something very important to tell you-
Your partner doesn’t care about the bits you don’t like. They see the bits they like.
They’re so stoked to be getting action that for them all your soft, squishy, swingy, possibly furry bits are all exciting because they feel and smell like you. And that ‘you’ stuff turns your partner on.
Confidence has been voted as sexier than boobs and butts in many a survey, so tell that inner critic to beat it because you’re about to get laid.
Ditch the shame game
For a variety of reasons, many women experience feelings of shame around their sexuality and desires.
It has long been a myth that men are more sexual than women. That’s a load of old bollocks. Women are every bit as sexual as dudes, even if we are a little more complex. Sex is a beautiful and natural part of life, and the cheapest and most fun way to pass the time. It is something to be celebrated, not be ashamed of.
Doing it even if you’re not up for it
What is this, I hear you cry? Stay with me. Once you start doing the sexy stuff you realise that you can get in the spirit of things. Kissing and touching, even if you thought you weren’t in the mood, can quickly turn you from luke warm to boiling hot. Having sex leads to wanting sex. And often having some sex, leads to wanting more sex.
The longer you leave it, the harder it is to get back in the game. Then the little strand of intimacy ribbon that holds you guys firm unravels and you piss each other off easier. When you’re feeling the intimacy feelings, you release oxytocin, the love hormone, and annoying little habits won’t bother you as much.
Embracing your sexual goddess
Awesome sex is something everybody able to have. It’s possible for everyone to experience toe-curling, body-shaking pleasure but only when you embrace your sensuality and allow yourself to have the sexuality and sensuality you desire that it can really be yours.